What I want

I’m going to go out on a limb here and give up what I really want. I have been single for 5 years now. Really single. As in not dating single. I had a conversation with my son about what I wanted some time back, and it’s taken me a while to realize - I can’t have it. It’s too late, I need to put that want aside and go forward. Because, what I want is someone who shares my history. I want a man who sits across the table from me and smiles, because what he sees in the lines on my face, is the roadmap to HIS life. Our life, a shared life. Someone who recognizes and remembers where the worry lines came from, because he was there at my side, sharing the grief and helping to carry the load. A man who sees the laugh lines and smiles again - remembering all the joy we shared. I have had a wonderful and blessed life, but, no one my age who shares memories of it (my parents and brothers are long gone). So, I can spend another 5,10 or 15 years alone, lamenting what I can’t have (I can’t rewrite history and insert the love of my life a la Forrest Gump meeting Jack Kennedy in the White House) or let it go. And maybe, if I open my heart enough, find a man who is interested in hearing about my past, my memories - as we make a little history of our own.