John Edwards

Seriously................what the hell?

Kidless in California

With my Sweet Baby Girl 53 days into her Colorado adventure and my son one day into his Florida vacation.......I find myself all alone out here in California. Very odd.

What I want

I’m going to go out on a limb here and give up what I really want. I have been single for 5 years now. Really single. As in not dating single. I had a conversation with my son about what I wanted some time back, and it’s taken me a while to realize - I can’t have it. It’s too late, I need to put that want aside and go forward. Because, what I want is someone who shares my history. I want a man who sits across the table from me and smiles, because what he sees in the lines on my face, is the roadmap to HIS life. Our life, a shared life. Someone who recognizes and remembers where the worry lines came from, because he was there at my side, sharing the grief and helping to carry the load. A man who sees the laugh lines and smiles again - remembering all the joy we shared. I have had a wonderful and blessed life, but, no one my age who shares memories of it (my parents and brothers are long gone). So, I can spend another 5,10 or 15 years alone, lamenting what I can’t have (I can’t rewrite history and insert the love of my life a la Forrest Gump meeting Jack Kennedy in the White House) or let it go. And maybe, if I open my heart enough, find a man who is interested in hearing about my past, my memories - as we make a little history of our own.

The Green Frogs

Congratulations Sweet Baby Boy!

My Mom and Erma

My Mother really liked Erma Bombeck. (That's not Erma- it's Marilyn. I don't have a photo of Erma- and Marilyn is nice to look at - so there ya go.) My Mother actually exchanged a letter with Erma once. (They didn't swap family photos tho, which explains my predicament.) Apparently my Mom and Dad and Mr and Mrs Bombeck (?) - shared the same anniversary date - so, of course, my Mom wrote to her. My Mother wrote an average of about 4,962 cards and letters a year. Relatives, manufacturers, strangers... and well, Erma wrote back. Just a chatty little note- nothing like the advice she has given here below-(wow two advice blogs in a row!) but my Mom was happy. So here's to my Mom- and Erma....... and oh, what the hey- to Marilyn too.
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer)
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life anyone ever gets to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it ... live it .and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff.
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us. Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, as well. We have one shot at this and then it's gone. Have a blessed day.

Not that you asked..21 pieces of advice

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at any one's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately.. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson -
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self;Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

author unknown

Mama Mia- Slipping Through My Fingers

I went to see “Mama Mia’ today - the movie. I never got around to seeing the play. I goggled it before I left to get the story line. The movie was great - a bunch of people my age (and a tad older - Meryl has a few years on me!) and Pearce Brosnan can’t sing - but, seriously, who cares? (Altho my favorite of the 'Dads' was Stellan Skarsgard.) Beautiful scenery - and a killer mother/daughter pre-wedding song that brought me to tears.
So, this blog comes with a warning and a dedication. Well, a warning, a dedication and an explanation.
Warning first:
Joann - do not read beyond this point if you have to function at anything within the next few hours. Travel back to Charley’s blog and see what the Lovely Miss Courtney is up to- this just ain’t your cup of tea right now Pretty Lady.
Second- the lyrics to the ABBA song below are dedicated to the woman sitting to my right at the theatre who tried valiantly to squish herself as far away as possible when the water works to her left started.
Third, explanation. I remember the day my daughter was married, and how she looked in the mirror as I took pins out of my hair to fasten them into hers. She has been gone 43 days and I miss her dearly.
“Slipping Through My Fingers’
Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning

Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile

I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness

And I have to sit down for a while

The feeling that I'm losing her forever

And without really entering her world

I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter

That funny little girl
Slipping through my fingers all the time

I try to capture every minute

The feeling in it

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Do I really see what's in her mind

Each time I think I'm close to knowing

She keeps on growing

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table

Barely awake, I let precious time go by

Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling

And a sense of guilt I can't deny

What happened to the wonderful adventures

The places I had planned for us to go

(Slipping through my fingers all the time)

Well, some of that we did but most we didn't

And why I just don't know

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture

And save it from the funny tricks of time

Slipping through my fingers

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning

Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile

This I have done.

My Father died at the age of 58, one month before his 59th birthday.
I have a journal he gave my mother when his first son, my brother Bobbie was born. The journal had room for 3 years and Mom kept it for us 3 kids.
In the front of the journal, in my Father’s handwriting is a quote. An odd one for a baby book at first glance - but, since it defines my Father so well, a fitting one.
This is it, and until now, just tonight- I never knew where this quote came from. It is from the final pages of Success: The Glen Bland Method. It is a direct quote…..with one exception.
Daddy wrote:
“I do not choose to be a common man. It is my right to be uncommon if I can. I seek opportunity - not security. I do not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled and dulled by having the state look after me. I want to take the calculated risk; to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed.
I refuse to barter incentive for a dole. I prefer the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence: the thrill of fulfillment to the state of Utopia.
I will not trade freedom for beneficence nor my dignity for a handout.
I will never cower before any master nor bend to any threat.
It is in my heritage to stand erect, proud and unafraid; to think and act for myself, enjoy the benefit of my creations and to face the world boldly and say: “This I have Done.”

The one exception? In the original, the final quote reads: “With God's help, this I have done.”

Like I said……….SO my Dad.

His Mistress' voice

I've started talking to my dog. Now, this will come as a surprise only to those who know me and assume I have been talking to the mutt for the last 15 1/2 years. But, I haven't. (Yelling doesn't count). I started a few weeks ago when I realized that - if I left work and did not stop for errands anywhere and came straight home- I would most likely not speak again for approx 13 hours as I do most of my chatting with the kids and grand kids by e-mail and text messaging during the day. So I started speaking random thoughts out loud. It's not that I address the mutt ("Excuse me Tobias - but did you hear what Brian Williams just said about".............. or "Good Lord! WHAT did Jesse Jackson say now?") I just blurt out "All right Brian!" or "Jesse, - what the......?" and my dog hears it. I've decided to refer to this as talking to my dog as opposed to talking to myself- based solely on the whimsical reaction I get from the hairy toad - a cute tail waggle or slightly cocked head - looking in my general direction (he's pretty much blind) adjusting to this new verbal onslaught after 15 1/2 years of virtual silence (unless as stated above, I was yelling at him). So far my experiment hasn't hurt anyone and I find I like the sound of my own voice.......if Toby starts to respond however, I may have to reconsider.

Danger Will Robinson!

3:13am and my fire alarm goes off. A high piercing squeal. It' right above my bed. (Well, in this teeny tiny toy apartment - most everything is either right above my bed- or close to it.) But the alarm went off. I BOLTED out of bed - hit the bathroom (a necessity when one is awaken like that) - grabbed my mother's wedding ring and the ever faithful Tobias - who was totally freaked out - and - yes, I did.....I did this!........ I felt the front door for heat - realized it was a fire door (weighs more than I do and is wide enough for wheelchair access) - so I felt below where there is a paper size gap- enough to fit a newsletter under - or let smoke it. No heat, no smoke - and I don't smell anything. I got dressed, fussed around a bit - opened the front door to the hall way twice - sniffed out back. Ate a plum, had some water, gave the dog a snack. No one in the hallways, no smell of smoke. I do have a rather startling headache tho, an after effect of the adrenaline rush no doubt. Wonder if I could go back to sleep? The mutt already has - and aren't dogs supposed to have some sort of 6th sense about fire and danger? I'm staying dressed tho- just in case.

Jury Duty

Oh Yeas, Oh Yeas, Oh Yeas, I have been called to do my Civic Duty. I may be one of the few people on the face of the earth who actually enjoys jury duty.

I was called once before, down in San Diego, in my prior life, when I knew alot of the judges and attorneys personally (vaguely). In fact, the sitting judge for the trial recognized me and mentioned it in open court. (Maybe that's why I was elected Head Juror!). But, alas, this duty is for August 25, and if the Clerk of the Orange County Superior Courthouse had been keeping up with my blog, she would have realized that I will be out of town on that date (see "Off to Colorado" below). So, today I try for a postponement, complete with photocopies of my ticket that says: "NOT refundable". The halls of justice can wait for my arrival at a later time (and a different crime).

Counting the Days

If you can divide a year by 4 and come up with a whole number – it is a leap year.
I know this because it is my Sweet Baby Girl’s birthday Friday and I wanted to know how old she was – in 24 hour increments – allowing for leap years. Ten of them since she has graced this earth. – 1972, 1976, 1980, 1984, 1988, 1992, 1996, 2000, 2004, and 2008. For a Grand total of 13880 days. A great start. An amazing woman.

Happy 4th of July

Happy Birthday America! !!!!!

Off to Colorado!

"I'm leavin' on an jetplane.....don't know when I'll be back again..............Well.........actually I do. I booked a round trip flight - but, I AM going to see My Sweet Baby Girl in Colorado! My daughter packed up her family and moved to The Centennial State 4 weeks ago taking my grand daughters and a big chunk of my heart with her. I will be going out in August for my grand daughter's birthday! Yea! Happy Birthday!

Hands free Corky

I was thinking of Corky Johnson today as I was driving to work (both hands on the steering wheel, not talking to any of my kids or grandkids on my cell).
Corky was a friend of ours in the mid-1970’s. His real name was John Johnson (WHY do parents do that? I have met a Bob Roberts and a Dick Richards – and you know ‘Dick’wasn’t on his birth certificate. But, really can’t they come up with at least ONE more name?) Corky was a trip. He was always going 4,697 directions at once – walking, driving, sitting, talking – whatever he was doing he was constant motion. Taking a ride with him in his beat up yellow VW Bug was an adventure as he drove down the street, rummaged through the glove compartment, back seat and tuned the radio in his never ending quest for whatever he was looking for.
I remember coming home from grocery shopping one day – with my 3 year old daughter. Corky pulled up behind me at the curb. I called out that the hubby wasn’t home until later and proceeded to take my daughter in for a potty break and snack before I emptied the car. By the time I had my Sweet Baby Girl out of the bathroom, Corky had all the groceries inside – unpacked the bags, put the food away and had folded and stuffed the paper bags between the fridge and the oven – all the while explaining that was not a good place to store the paper bags. Good....... bye….I'll…be…..back. later………
So, I was wondering how he was doing with the hands free cell phone – and if it allowed him more freedom of movement to get to the back seat and the glove compartment – since we are not as agile as we used to be 35 years ago.